The computer next to me spit this out moments ago:

The poor thing must suffer from a crippling self-image issue.    Get thee to a licensed aromatherapist, little guy.

Thought-provoking.

On November 24, 1963, Lee Harvey Oswald, purported assassin of President John F Kennedy, was shot by Jack Ruby at the Dallas Police Headquarters.  On November 23, 2009, almost exactly 46 years later to the day, Food Network personality Paula Deen was hit in the face with a ham during a charity event in Atlanta, Georgia.

Compare the photos.  First, Robert H Jackson’s iconic photo of the murder of Oswald,  the second, the attack on Paula, videographer photographer unknown.

The similarities are chilling.

Look through the looking glass here, people:  white is black, black is white! Get your head down, because when you least expect it, there might be a ham headed straight to your face.  Just be thankful for what you got!  Goddamn it, it’s Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Love,
etc…

The Colonel gets his freak on.

A group of party girls got more than they bargained for when they were recruited to attend a posh do in Rome on Sunday night.

Instead of canapés and cocktails, the 200 young women found themselves being encouraged to become Muslims.

It turned out the host was Libya’s leader, Col Muammar Gaddafi, in town for the UN food summit.

(via the BBC)

A chunk of crusty bread was found in the Large Hadron Collider:

The rehabilitation of the beleaguered Large Hadron Collider was on hold tonight after the failure of one of its powerful cooling units caused by an errant chunk of baguette.

Scientists are unsure how the baguette ended up there.  I’d like to offer an hypothesis:  the Collider created a wormhole, and this baguette is from the future.  A time-traveling baguette, people!  Why has it come to this time and place?  Global leavening?  To put a bet on the Miami winning the World Series?  No.  Odds on chance, I’d say, the bread traveled through time just to play catch with his son.  What a sentimental so-and-so.

(Via Foreign Policy)

I’m not sure if this makes a lot of sense or no sense at all.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad revealed to have Jewish past

A photograph of the Iranian president holding up his identity card during elections in March 2008 clearly shows his family has Jewish roots.

I’m stumped.

Update: It is confirmed: this makes no sense.

Photo: Kate Geraghty (from Sydney Morning Herald)

This is a photo from a big-ass red dust storm that enveloped Sydney the other day. Whoever had Australia in the etc pool as the place where the Apocalypse will start just won a dinner for two at the Cafe of Millennial Cliches. Lex Luthor, by the by, was not available for comment.

One spectator was, however: “It was like being on Mars,” she told the BBC, “I haven’t been there, obviously, but I imagine that’s what the sky would look like.”

Thanks for clarifying re: your travels to Mars!

Hale & Hearty

It’s close
It’s fast
It’s fine
I guess

Small vegetarian chili, please
Oh, the half chicken club too

Yeah, oyster crackers.
No, wait.
Sourdough.
Yeah
The sourdough.

Oyster crackers?
No. Sourdough.

Could I have the
self-loathing
on the side?
Thanks.

This is the last time
I will go to Hale & Hearty

I mean it.

1976: The Bicentennial! The Big Red Machine! Swine Flu!

Here’s a PSA from a retro pandemic that is SO hot right now.

Feel the fever!

Only a matter of time before Land of the Lost is made into a big-budget movie.

(Found here via Like a Throttle)

Several cruel eighth-graders taunted a moose to injury and eventual suicide in Alaska.

Before teachers realized there was a moose on the grounds, a class of eighth-graders was released for P.E., said Mat-Su School District spokeswoman Catherine Esary. By all accounts, a group of students proceeded to taunt the moose, said Esary.

Two to three minutes after the class was let out, the teacher saw the moose, caught the students who were taunting it, and sent the rest of the class inside, Esary said. She would not be more specific about what exactly the students did.

An Alaska State Trooper responded to the school.  According to spokeswoman Megan Peters, the trooper arrived right as the students were let out. The moose was injured upon his arrival and was so frightened it threw itself into a wall repeatedly until it died, Peters said.

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The principal held an assembly to reinforce proper actions and behavior around moose, actions and behaviors the students already knew, said Esary.

My guess is that these little bastards were making fun of the moose’s braces. I wonder what the assembly entailed. I hope “don’t make fun of moose until they die.” was a key takeaway.

And neither should you.

This brings to mind an advertising campaign,  George Will for Calvin Klein.  Picture this: George, bare-chested on all fours draped over a dude.  The tagline: “GEORGE WILL DOESN’T WEAR JEANS.  HE WEARS CALVIN KLEIN.”  Put that bad boy on Lafayette and Houston, and send me the check, please.

A lot of times I have sat down to a hearty beef stew and thought to myself: “yeah, this is all right and all, but it would be so much more AWESOME if I could enjoy it in my car!”

My wish has come true. This crockpot plugs into the cigarette lighter in your car! Put some onions, carrots, parsley and a hunk of meat, and you’ll have a frickin’ party by the time you get to Altoona. (via Gizmodo)