etc… bios
Jamil Ellis
- Jamil Ellis, the darkest member etc…, began life as a joint venture between the New York Yankees and the Walmart Corporation. They wanted to see if they could genetically engineer a switch hitting shortstop who could also help lead Walmart’s global plan to control the planet (naturally in conjunction with George Steinbrenner.) Sadly, the experiment was a failure. While they created an intelligent, comedically gifted individual, he failed at hitting from the left side, and refused to engage in the globalization of Asia. The only artifacts from this genetic experiment gone awry are a small New York Yankees tattoo on his left butt cheek and the ability to work a checkout line in Mandarin, Hindi, and Swahilli.
Well educated Jamil was able to attend the best schools and eventually worked at a high flying internet company where he enjoyed foozeball, pool, beer on Fridays, and frequent back massages (It’s funny because it’s true.)
Sadly this all ended when Bush became President and everyone in America became unemployed. Jamil, like many American was laid off and struggled to find money to eat. He along with other unemployed etc… members tried their hand at comedic panhandling with disastrous results. He managed to eek out a living by duping people on ebay to buy cheap things with obscenely high shipping and handling charges and selling glassware he’s stolen from bars over the years.
He now makes a living as a bi-coastal freelance entertainment hitman – capable of producing pure entertainment gold in all mediums – he roves the country searching to put right what went wrong and each time hoping his next leap will be the leap home..
Anne Johnson
- “When one decides that one has no more time for something, one must go forth to one’s microwave and make soup.”
Anne Johnson has been called many things; funny, irresistible, lying bitch, but no word has suited Ms. Johnson more than lunch pail. Even from her first few steps onto life’s great stage, Anne has always shown that she would master her craft without any formal training. She made her debut at 3 as Hamlet at the Lincoln Center. Shortly after that, her career skyrocketed. Anne appeared in countless made-for-TV movies and commercials; especially enjoying success as Moe, The Gastrointestinal Blockage. Early 1962 brought hardships for Ms. Johnson. Drugs, alcohol and an addiction to garbanzo beans nearly led to her demise. A stint at Betty Ford and a newfound embrace of every religion brought Anne back on track. While in a halfway house for washed up actors, Anne met Etc… Through their encouragement and tough love, Anne fell deeper into her addictions and vowed never to return to the stage again.
She would like extend gratitude towards those who have supported her so much: God, Kabbalah, Jesus, Bono, Martin “Snuggy Doo” Scorsese, and the scores of foreign children she has adopted. “Thanks kids! I finally got my Oscar! Gravy train’s left the station, now get the fu*k out of my house!”
Anne’s Posts / Anne’s Resume / Anne’s Website
Gene Perelson
- Some men are born great, some men are made great, some have greatness thrust all over their lobster bib. Still others appear as Gene Perelson did, seemingly out of nowhere, to the shock of the thirty million viewers of the Mike Douglas Show on February 17, 1969.
He burst forth on an enormous seashell from behind the curtains in the middle of Douglas’s interview with Jack Kerouac’s demented brother Little Stevie and his puppet Mr Cinches. His genitalia wrapped in angel hair pasta, his hair wrapped in angel genitalia pasta, guided by two small Polynesian apes, Perelson looked straight at the camera and uttered these words, “I don’t think that was my cue.” At that there was a bright light, a brilliant fight with his arch-nemesis Dormmamu, master of the Dark Dimension, and Mike Douglas singing “Ode to Joy” in clogs.
It took another nine years before Perelson returned to our dimension this time as a small innocent baby in Brooklyn with the uncanny ability to know where David Duchovny was at any time.
Gene joined etc… for tax reasons in 1994. He has since fallen in love with their gymnastic prowess and at some point hopes to learn all of their names. He likes sex and walking in the rain without pants and a parrot. His previous theatrical experience includes an international tour with the hit German musical Freulind Geseundheit. He spends free time touring with his spiritual guru, the Dolly Llama.
Chris Chan Roberson
- Help! I’m trapped in a well! The fall broke my leg and the pain is so intense it made me vomit! Help! Can anyone hear me up there? For goodness sakes, I can hear voices! I can hear you up there! Can you hear me? There’s no cell phone reception down here and I can’t call for help! If you don’t want to speak with me, just call for help! Hey! Someone just dropped a cigarette butt down here! Hey! HEEEYYY!
